Comments

"I was looking at Angel's desk looking at pictures from the Valleyfair trips...oh, my God, Katie!  You're tiny!"

I'm still struggling hearing things like this.

Especially at work.

Especially from a manager.

She said that to me over three months ago and I started to write this entry, but never finished it and never published it.  Why?

I told myself I was dumb and being way too sensitive.

At the beginning of November, we got together with Lee's Dad's side of the family for Grandma Mary's funeral.  That in itself was a struggle because she was a great lady.  Aside from that (and yes, I'm being totally self-centered...as this is MY blog), the comments really got to me.  We don't see Lee's extend family a great deal with us being in Minnesota and them being in Eastern Wisconsin.  To be honest, most of them haven't seen me since last Christmas (shortly after I started this journey), if not last May when Becky got married (which was...three months after Lilly was born and I looked like a big, bloated, fluffy whale-of-a-woman).

"Wow, Kate.  You look amazing!  Have you just lost a ton of weight or what?"

"I can't believe how great you look."

"You look beautiful, by the way."

Comments from aunts and cousins and the last from a male cousin as I was giving him a hug goodbye.  I just never know how to take this stuff yet.  I generally just blush and mumble a "yeah, thanks" and kind of walk away.  I know this doesn't always seem like the most polite thing to do, but I honestly don't know how to take compliments about my weight.

On Friday, one of my co-workers said something to me as I walked by.  I thought she called me "skanky" so I asked her what she said.  She said, "I said you are so skinny!"  It was weird.  I don't know.  Getting compliments from people who aren't in the same boat I am in...who aren't on this same journey I am...it just doesn't seem comfortable for me.  I know that doesn't make much sense, especially for those who have always been around a healthy body weight.  I am, for the first time in my adult, near a healthy weight for my body.

How do normal people take weight loss compliments?  Am I supposed to gloat and gush about the fact that I don't (generally) eat like crap anymore or that I run my little tail off to do it?  Is mumbling a quiet thank you and nothing more acceptable?

I feel like I am, to an extent, more self-conscious now and as I lose more weight than I was when I was bigger.  I supposed that I knew how to "live" in that skin.  I knew how to own who and what I was.  This current ground is all foreign to me...  I know there are people out there that just say "be you...be who you've always been...".  Well, I have always been a fat girl and I'm not really that anymore, so things have changed...I have changed...

XOXO