Excuse Me...What's My Motivation?

Haha...this commercial still makes me giggle.

"Excuse me...excuse me...what...what's my motivation?"

However, in all seriousness...

World...I have lost it.

My motivation, that is.

Here come my "I-Haven't-Been-Running-Consistently" excuses (and by that I mean I haven't run much at all lately):

My weekends have been busy.  Between driving to and spending time at the cabin (and dealing with Lilly's meltdown!), driving to and spending time in Milwaukee, and the awesomeness that is the Great Minnesota State Fair...this has left me with little time to run.  Add work and Lilly into the mix and there isn't much time left in the day.  I know I could get up earlier, but this leads me to my second excuse.

All of this running around here and there mixed in with being über busy at work has left me with little to no energy to do anything else.  I pretty much go get Lilly after work, head home for dinner and play time and hit the hay after Lilly does.  It is a struggle to get out of bed when I absolutely have to in the morning, let alone any earlier to run!

I've lost quite a bit of weight.  The attention I got at first...with people telling me that I look great and that it was awesome that I lose the weight...it was nice!  Now, I just feel weird about it.  After a former co-worker told me at the Fair (and I quote), "Yeah, I know Katie.  But you've lost a lot of...(awkward pause)...size."  Who honestly feels like that isn't weird to say to someone you haven't seen in over two year...and to a former colleague, no less?  I just have a hard time keeping on this journey, especially when I'm not really sure how to handle comments.

My major source of motivation was Lilly.  I wanted to make sure I could keep up with her and not be just a big, fat tub-o-goo.  I'm able to chase her and play and I'm not really a big, fat tub-o-goo anymore.  So, mission accomplished, right?

Maybe I just need to wait until the Fair is over and work settles down a bit.  Maybe things will fall back into place and I'll get back on my running horse again.  Maybe I'm just destined to be a lump-of-turd!

I really still want to be a runner.  I want to always crave a good run.  I want that runner's high.  I just need a new source of motivation.

So here is my big question:

What is your motivation?

*~* The Great Minnesota State Fair *~*

Since tomorrow is the start of the Great Minnesota Get Together and this is a "healthy-living" type blog, I figure that I would have to include some of the calorie counts of the delicious foods I will be ingesting in the next few days:

• Corn Dog - 350 Calories each
• Cheese Curds - 1,140 Calories per 7 oz container
• Mini Donuts - 720 Calories per bag of 12
• Foot-Long Hot Dog - 540 Calories each
• Roasted Corn on the Cob (with butter) - 200 Calories
• Cotton Candy - 320 Calories per cone

Okay, so compiling a bunch was the idea, but four different website have had four different things listed as the highest calorie count with everything being way off from the other.  I'm leaving it at this...

...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

XOXO

Couch 2 5k: Week 7 Day 2

*Hangs head in shame*

Yes, I do realize that my blogs being so far apart implies that I have not been keeping up my runs.  Well, I wish I could say implied, but truly, that is the reality.  This month has been hectic (to say the least) and with being out of town and just being worn out from work, I have lost my motivation to run.  I pulled my ass out of bed this morning at 5 a.m. and, despite being quite tired, I made myself run.  Here is the run breakdown for W7D2:

• 4 Minute Warm-Up Walk (should be 5)
• 25 Minute Run
• 2 Minute Cool-Down Walk (should be 5)
• Total: 31 Minutes

And here are my stats for today's run:

• Run Time: 25 Minutes
• Walk Time: 6 Minutes
• Distance: 2.42 Miles
• Run Pace: 12:08
• Overall Pace: 12:47

I am well aware how terrible those stats are, but I'm okay with it.  I haven't run in a week (urgh...awful), but that doesn't matter.  Around the 5 minute mark of my run, I got some terrible side pain.  It was a bit like stitches, but more under my rib.  It was the worst running pain I've ever had.  I could barely breathe, but I forced myself to "run" (what was really more like swinging my arms like I was running, but kind of only hop stepping) until I got off the highway, but then I just kept pushing myself and finished.  I also got scared by my own shadow on the bushes and trees in the dark.  I thought it was someone coming to kidnap me...seriously.  I was all set to book it back home!

Anywoo, I am pleased to say that despite my culinary weekend road trip to Milwaukee with my sister, I am back down to where I was with weight loss (I had gained a few pounds, but I think it was water retention from all of the sodium I ingested).  I know that the next 12 days with most likely not provide me the same fate...

THE GREAT MINNESOTA STATE FAIR STARTS TOMORROW!!!

That brings lots of delightful food and fun.  And walking.  Walking around the fair counter-balances the Sweet-Salty-Battered-DeepFried-Delights On-A-Stick, right?  An ode to the State Fair...tonight!

XOXO

Couch 2 5k: Week 7 Day 1

Due to some commotion on our trip (and being up until midnight with a screaming child), I did not get my run in on Friday.  I was super excited to run somewhere new, too!  Oh, well.  As for today, today's run went...meh.  Here is the run breakdown for W7D1:

• 3 Minute Warm-Up Walk (should be 5)
• 25 Minute Run
• 4 Minute Cool-Down Walk (should be 5)
• Total: 32 Minutes

And here are my stats for today's run:

• Run Time: 25 Minutes
• Walk Time: 7 Minutes
• Distance: 2.62 Miles
• Run Pace: 11:28
• Overall Pace: 12:14

I tried a slightly different route today, which kind of threw me off.  I didn't do so hot, as my pacing was, apparently, awful.  Oh, well.  I'll get there!

I've been eating like crap the last few days.  I've tried, but it has been stressful and I am a BIG TIME stress eater.  I told you this month would be trouble...

XOXO Keep it up!

Couch 2 5k: Week 6 Day 3

It was absolutely gorgeous out for my run this morning.  It was cool out!  It was nice to finally have a run where I didn't feel like my entire body was melting JUST from the heat and humidity.  From here on out it is straight running - no walk breaks (aside from the warm-up and cool-down).  Here is the run breakdown for W6D3:

• 3 Minute Warm-Up Walk (should be 5)
• 25 Minute Run
• 4 Minute Cool-Down Walk (should be 5)
• Total: 32 Minutes

And here are my stats for today's run:

• Run Time: 25 Minutes
• Walk Time: 7 Minutes
• Distance: 2.69 Miles
• Run Pace: 11:06
• Overall Pace: 11:52

I didn't feel super great today.  I don't know if it is because it was early and I'm lazy or because my body didn't have much fuel beforehand, but it was tough...even early in the run...

On another note, our petite family (hehe...petite made me laugh for some reason...Kali said it is because the word has "teet" in it) is headed northeast for a long weekend.  We leave early tomorrow morning for St. Germain, Wisconsin to a cabin with Lee's family.  It will be nice to see everyone, have some fun and not have to work for a few days!  I am also really excited to have a new place to run on Friday.  It will be nice to have a change of scenery.  I don't think I'll be able to track my stats for it, but I will survive.

I guess that is all I have to say for now.  Have a great day, everyone!!!

Couch 2 5k: Week 6 Day 2

I wasn't feeling so well this morning, so I didn't go running.  I decided I would go tonight instead.

Big mistake.

We had tacos for dinner, which are my FAVORITE, but I am still paying for it four hours later with terrible stomach cramps.  Anyway, here is the run breakdown for W6D2:

• 5 Minute Warm-Up Walk
• 10 Minute Run
• 3 Minute Walk
• 10 Minute Run
• 5 Minute Cool-Down Walk
• Total: 33 Minutes

And here are my stats for today's run:

• Run Time: 20 Minutes
• Walk Time: 13 Minutes
• Distance: 2.70 Miles
• Run Pace: 10:41
• Overall Pace: 12:12

Boo...hiss...wish I had done better...but with the way my stomach is still feeling, I am surprised I didn't to way worse.  Off to bed to hopefully rid myself of these tummy pains!  XOXO

Oh, tacos...how I love thee still...

Who Needs Sleep (Well, You're Never Gonna Get It)

Sleep and I have a very major love/hate relationship. I would love to sleep, but it hates to let me. I used to have virtually zero trouble sleeping. I very rarely have ever had trouble falling asleep and very rarely woke up at night. There have been a few times when I had periods of nightmares that would jolt me out of a dead sleep (like when my Dad was in his car accident, when my Dad had his surgery, right after my Grandma Rogers passed away, etc), but in general, I've had a very good track record with sleep.

Cut to me getting pregnant with Lilly. My first few months of pregnancy, I had no trouble sleeping. I slept great at night and even took naps just about every day during my lunch break. Then, I got to the portion of pregnancy where it is hard to sleep. Around October or so, when I was about 5 months pregnant, I could no longer actually sleep in my bed (the baby would not get comfortable, no matter what side I laid on or how many pillows I had bunched around me). I was eventually talked into bringing the recliner in our room and sleeping somewhat propped up in there for the last 4 months or so. It was awful. I was up every few hours to pee or because I was uncomfortable or just to shift a bit.  No matter why I awoke, I would have trouble going back to bed. So, I'd sit up surfing the web or reading or simply listening to Lee sleeping. By the end, it was even worse. I was up more than I was asleep because I was so uncomfortably pregnant. I prayed I would pop so I could finally get some rest...haha...

Newborns bring on a whole new level of not sleeping...they are up every couple hours in the night. I knew this going in, but you never realize how tiring it is until you are actually involved in it. We were EXTREMELY fortunate that, for the most part, Bean started sleeping through the night (almost every night) starting when she was about 3 months old. For Lee, this meant many great nights of sleep. For me, it meant that I was back to my pregnant schedule of sleeping and waking up every few hours. If I was lucky, I would fall back asleep fairly quickly. If not, I was up for quite a while and would fall back asleep eventually. Regardless, I would be up again within a few hours MAX.

Fast-forward to the present.

Lilly will be 18 months next Wednesday and here I am, still sleeping like I’m pregnant.  I fall asleep a little bit easier, so that is nice, but I’m still up every hour or so…

Tossing…

And turning…

And pillow-fluffing…

And sighing…

Lee has been "concerned" about this for a while, so I caved and agreed to talk to the doctor about it during my check up.  Dr. Rose went over all the potential causes:

"What kind of medications are you on?"

"I take a multivitamin."

"Caffeine?"

"In the morning, if anything."

"Alcohol?"

"I think I had a sip of wine, maybe, at the 4th of July...before that, I think it was May."

"When do you exercise?"

"Generally, 5 a.m.  If I do it in the evening, I get all jacked up."

"How about your legs?  Any urge to move them?"

"Nope."

"Does Lee snore or anything that would interfere with your sleep?"
"No."

"Any pain?"

"Not really."

"Lilly still sleeping through the night?"

"Absolutely."

After all was said and done, I'm told I have Primary Insomnia.  What does that mean?  There isn't really a reason for my being unable to sleep...I just can't sleep...  She gave me some ideas on how to, I guess, cope with it.  She told me I could try melatonin...sometimes it helps...sometimes it doesn't.  She also asked me if I wanted a prescription for something.  I was very hesitant, but she said it wouldn't hurt to have on hand for if I REALLY need to sleep.

I am now the proud owner of a bottle of Ambien.

If you know me, you should know that I don't like taking medication when I don't have to.  I don't even like taking Ibuprofen unless I absolutely have to (I can thank my many sprains/breaks in high school for upping my tolerance to a point where taking 8 would do nothing for me...).  I find it somewhat embarrassing that I have to take something to get me through a night, to actually get some sleep.

I thought losing all this weight and exercising and being all healthy and junk would solve my problems, but I guess it doesn't fix everything, eh?

Doctor Feelgood

Wednesday evening I had a doctor appointment.  It was just one of those yearly "check-you-out-to-make-sure-you-are-not-dying-and-everything-is-working" appointments, so I wasn't worried about it at all.

Lilly and I have the same doctor.  She is awesome.  When I found out I was pregnant, I had a blind choice of three Family Practice doctors at my clinic.  My PA that I was seeing said that one of them was a little odd, one was very sweet and nice, and the other was very good and very straight-forward.  Dr. Rose is very good and very straight-forward.  She was very honest with us and answered all of our questions throughout my entire pregnancy.  She never attempted to sugar-coat anything with us, which I much prefer.  She has continued my and Lilly’s care since then and is still great.

I know…I know…get on with the story...

My last appointment with Dr. Rose was on June 30^th, 2010, when I was 193 pounds.  She has seen me every couple of months since then during Lilly’s appointments, but we have obviously been focused on Lilly during those times.

Where is this boring story going…???

I’m sitting in the exam room waiting for her to come in, wearing one of those fun gowns that never quite close in the back and you feel all exposed and junk.  Anyway, she finally walks in, sits down on the little wheely doctor stool, looks at me and says…

“Wow… (insert pause and look of shock)...how did you do it?!?!?”

With a giant smile, pride smeared all over my face, I said,

“Running.  Eating better.”

She responded with,

“Wow…(opens up the growth charts they can do on the computer and does some counting).  35 pounds since your six week?!?”

“Yeah…around there.”

“What made you do it?  I mean…what was your motivation?”

“Lilly.  I wanted to be able to keep up with her…run with her…play…and not be tired and worn out all the time.  I don’t want to keep being a big…tub of goo.”

“Wow!  Good for you, Kate.”

Throughout the rest of my appointment, we talked about it: how I’d done it, what my goals were, what I’d done, etc.  I told her I’m determined to be a runner.  I told her I’d already run my first 5k and was hoping to do a 10k still this year…and a half marathon next year.  She was very happy for me and very encouraging and almost proud.  I’m sure she generally sees patients come in headed the other way…which is what I was headed for.

I know it is lame.  I have never felt like I needed a doctor or teacher to tell me I’m doing something good to know I’m doing something good.  However, you can work your ass off and drop 30+ pounds and have a handful of people tell you that you look different (like that boy in high school that you swore you’d make fall in love with you and marry, but he wasn’t interested and you became great friends instead {which turned out even better} and you visited him on a business trip and he told you that you looked great…yeah…that was pretty awesome), but still feel like maybe what you are doing doesn’t matter.  When a medical professional is blown away by what you are doing, it makes you realize "Hey...maybe what I'm doing is important and I am changing for the better."

My point is that Dr. Rose helped me KNOW that I'm doing something great and I CAN keep going and I WILL reach my goals.  Thinking about my appointment doesn't make me cringe, really...it makes me smile.  It makes me proud of myself.

I don't care if it makes me a bragger.  I have to feel good about what I've done and where I'm going or I. WILL. FAIL.

I WILL lose the weight.

I WILL be a runner.

Couch 2 5k: Week 6 Day 1

Had a decent run this morning.  It was weird because I felt tired a few minutes into it and on every single run.  The walks didn't make me feel much better.  I actually would prefer to just run without the breaks...my body gets all weird from them.  Anyway, I figured it was just that I had a crummy super last night.  Well, when I got done and calculated my run pace, I realized that it had picked up a little bit...maybe that was why?  Regardless, here is the run breakdown for W6D1:

• 5 Minute Warm-Up Walk
• 5 Minute Run
• 3 Minute Walk
• 8 Minute Run
• 3 Minute Walk
• 5 Minute Run
• 5 Minute Cool-Down Walk
• Total: 34 Minutes

And here are my stats for today's run:

• Run Time: 18 Minutes
• Walk Time: 16 Minutes
• Distance: 2.74 Miles
• Run Pace: 10:28
• Overall Pace: 12:24

I'm okay with that.  I'm just happy that my run pace didn't fall!  I felt okay after the run, aside from being bummed that I had felt tired and worn out the entire time.  Not much I can do about it now and I'm not going to overthink it.  I'm still early in my training and I'm trying to just go with whatever happens.

Signed up for the Dave Ryan's 5k for Special Olympics on September 17th with This Girl.  Anybody wants to join us is welcome!  Maybe we can even grab post-race treats (food/beverages/energy bars or something like that)!  I'm really excited to get people together to do this.  We can all start together, but there is no saying we have to finish together.  Whomever finishes first gets to cheer on everyone else!  That's my thought, anyway...

I lied about blogging about the doctor.  I PROMISE I will do that this weekend at some point.  Things have just been CRAZY this week and I just haven't gotten to it.  As for now, I'm outtie!

Couch 2 5k: Week 5 Day 3

As I said in my original post, I re-started my C25K (Couch to 5k) workout plan once again last week.  This morning, I did my W5D3 (Week 5 Day 3) run.  For those that are unfamiliar with the plan, this is the first "no walk" run.  Each run throughout the plan starts with a five minute warm-up walk and ends with a five minute cool-down walk.  For most runs, the running portion is broken up into chunks, seperated by walking breaks.

Not today.

Today was the "Walk 5 minutes and then run for 20 while your heart explodes and then cool down with another 5 of walking" run.  I did it, though, and it felt great!

After my runs, I like to use MapMyRun to track my mileage and to calculate my running vs. overall pace, etc.  During these, "no walk" runs, it gets a bit easier because I don't have to do multiple maps and add the mileage of my running portions and divide by my run time, etc., etc., etc.  I use the Cool Runnings Pace Calculator to figure out my time per mile (it is a useful tool).  Well, here were today's stats:

• Run Time: 20 Minutes
• Walk Time: 8 Minutes (I was crunched for time, so I shortened the warm-up to only 3 minutes)
• Distance: 2.35 Miles
• Run Pace: 10:49 Per Mile
• Overall Pace: 11:53 Per Mile

For not running in a long while, I am okay with these stats.  I need to up my mileage and pace, but that will come with more training.

As far as food goes, I know that will be my big struggle this month, especially.  The Fair alone will be my downfall, but I will just have to keep trying to do my best.

I had a doctor appointment today...you know...one of those yearly physical things.  Blog about THAT tomorrow.  Goodnight!

Let's Get This Party Started

I am a lot of things.

I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a godmother, a friend, a confidant, a student, a teacher, a singer, a softball player, a news junky, a degree holder, a rockstar wannabe, a University of Minnesota alumni, a cookie-holic, a future grad student, a dreamer, an administrative professional, a future nurse, a coffee lover, a realist, a nerd, a kid at heart...

I am a lot of things.

None of these, however, has seemed to "define" my life as much as one thing.

I am chunky.

For as long as I can remember, I have "battled the bulge" up and down. In every stage of my life, I have fought to lose some pounds, only to achieve enough of my goal to satisfy myself and then let the weight jump back on my frame. In my adult life, I have tried so many things to make the fight easy. I've tried crazy diets. I've tried an assortment of "supplements". I've tried weird workout plans. I've tried just about everything. It has all worked...for a time...but once I change my ways, the weight comes back.

I'm done with that crap!

I have been bound and determined to get down to a healthy weight and stick there. I have been bound and determined to get become a runner and stick with it.

It is working.

Now, the scary part where I share my recent and current weight and you all pretend not to judge me!

On June 26th, 2009, the day after I found out I was pregnant with Lilly, I was 181 lbs. For a girl who is 5'4", that is pretty rough. However, this is where I had settled with my normal habits, it seemed. Well, imagine this, but growing a baby makes you gain weight. On February 15th, 2010, two days before I went into labor with Lilly, I weighed in at 227 lbs. I had gained 46 pounds during my pregnancy! I went home and cried, as it was the first time in my life I had been over 200 lbs. A short woman standing only 5'4" tall should not reach 200 lbs. Mind you, Lilly was a 9 lb 5 oz baby, it didn't matter. I felt awful about myself.

Most of the weight came off pretty easily. Taking care of a newborn leaves little time for rest and eating and keeps you moving! At my six week post-partum check up, I was back under 200 lbs, weighing in at 196 lbs. I told myself that I would NEVER allow 200 lbs to be on my small frame again. Three months later on June 30, 2010, I was only down three more pounds. I didn't find this acceptable. I knew I had to fix this, but how? I just tried to watch what I ate and tried to get in some activity here and there, but to be honest, with Lilly being a mover and a shaker, I was always tired. On top of that, my sleep has gone out the window since I was about four months pregnant, but that is a WHOLE different post. As Lilly was becoming more and more active, it hit me.

I couldn't do this whole being heavy thing anymore.

I kept hearing that when you are active, you have more energy. I wanted to be able to keep up with Lilly as she got older and more mobile. I wanted to be able to run around with her and go for walks and play! I knew I had to do something once and for all about my weight.

In October 2010, I downloaded an app for my iPod: Lose It! I could track my calories and progress and I hoped it would work for me. I started off at 185 lbs on October 18th. I set my first goal at hitting 165 lbs. I tried really hard to track my calories and enter them, but it was tough. I was trying to work out, but it was sporadic.

For years I had planned to run a 5k. I decided that this would be my year. I decided to do the Couch to 5k program that I had tried many times before, but never finished. I downloaded an app for my iPod and started Week 1 Day 1 of my training on March 4.

Boy was it ROUGH! I forced myself to stick with it, running in the cold and the snow and the really odd warm days (I mean, it is MN after all!). I was DETERMINED to run that damn 5k...

On Mother's Day, May 8th, I ran my first 5k! With my brother Jason, I ran the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5k, a race I had planned on running for years. Though unofficial, my time was 33:28...not bad for my first time. I ran the entire thing without walking and that made me feel like I really could do this thing! The next day, I weighed in...

On May 9th, I hit 165 lbs and I felt awesome! I set my next goal of 155 lbs.

After my 5k, I ran one time and did little else. I played softball on Sundays, but that wasn't really a work out. Lee and I decided to do Jillian Micheals' 30 Day Shred. I'd started it before, but never done the full 30 day cycle. June 1st we started and did the full 30 Day Shred. I was really proud of us both! Neither of us lost much in the way of pounds, but our bodies toned a bit. After my 30 days, I fell off the workout wagon again and became a lump of blah.

For a while, I was taking Healthé Trim. I took it for three months and, while it gave me a boost of energy, I don't think it helped me as much as my diet and exercise were. Besides, it was not cheap!

A few days ago, I restarted my Couch to 5k program on Week 5. My friend Kali and I will be running Dave Ryan's 5k for Special Olympics on September 17th.

As of today, I weighed in at 160.5 pounds. I will hit 155 lbs. I can't remember the last time I was that small. Here is how I will do it:

• Lose It! - I am going to try to be really good about tracking my calories. If I track every calorie (while exhausting), I will know why I am gaining/maintaining/losing weight.
• Work It! - I am going to keep running. I want to get a few more 5k's under my belt and then I want to do a 10k. My goal is that next year, I want to do a half marathon!
• Water It! - I am going to keep drinking lots of water. Keeping hydrated is keeping me going. It will help keep my calories down and it will keep me going on my runs.
• Blog It! - I am going to try to keep this blog updated. If I write about my triumphs and catastrophes, I'm going to better learn from them. If I know I have to write down when I flub-up, I'll be more likely not to flub-up, right?
• Shrug It! - I will most likely flub-up here and there. If I do, I'm going to just shrug it off and keep going. I know I will have good days and bad days. I know I will eat cookies now and then. I am a cookie girl after all! I can get through it. The Minnesota State Fair is coming up, after all...

I have a busy month ahead of me, so we will see how this goes, but you all keep me accountable, okay?